Out of My Pants!
by Tortured Hylian Soul
Summary: We can sometimes hear conversations that are quite strange if we are accidentally eavesdropping... [Oneshot. Pure C.R.A.C.K.]


"Get the hell out of my pants, you jackass Chosen!"

Sheena Fujibayashi was not only unfortunate enough to hear Lloyd's muffled order through the walls of the cozy little Flanoir inn, but was also truly ill-fated enough to have been enjoying a much-needed cup of hot Mizuho-style jasmine tea. She cursed in a manner most un-lady-like as the scalding liquid poured over her bare skin.

"Aw, come on, man!" Further accidental eavesdropping proved that this was the voice of Zelos. "How does this hurt you in any way?! Besides, I do this all of the time!"

"Oh, don't give me that crap! Tomorrow everything will feel all stretched out and unnatural and uncomfortable, and bes- _you've done this before?!_"

There was a sheepish laugh. Sheena didn't even have to see the red-haired man to know that he was rubbing his head uncomfortably- he did this every time he was accused of groping her bottom. "Oops… Well… Yeah…"

"_WHEN?!!_" Even Sheena was nearly blown backwards by the intensity of the pure fury in Lloyd's voice.

"Well, usually when you're asleep or knocked out after battle…"

"_You're _the reason why I haven't been able to walk correctly for the past several days?!"

"Well, _duh_."

Sheena's brain threatened to explode. Lloyd- _the _Lloyd Irving that she had been attracted to for so long, could be involved in something like this?! And Zelos-_oh_! That perverted Chosen had long since proven that he was interested in women, but could he have also found interest in men?!

'_Oh sweet Lord Godayoto!_' She held her head captive as her thoughts were overtaken by images of Zelos with the other men of the party. '_I'll go to Hell for thinking such thoughts! Arghh! DAMN SEXUALLY CONFUSED CHOSEN!_' Sheena growled as her hold on her poor scalp tightened. She sounded like one of his disgusting groupies that had only one thought on their minds!

No. She would not let that damn Chosen win. She _had_ to get to the bottom of this. Her rather vulgar thoughts were interrupted by a scream.

"_Sweet Spiritua! _Don't you _dare, _Zelos! If you do that, something will rip and you and I will both regret it!" A magenta blush dictated Sheena's features.

"Well if you weren't so damn _small_, we could go through this without difficulty!"

"I am _not _small! And besides, if you weren't so damn big, then maybe I would let you do this again once in a while!"

Oh lord of all things holy. Lloyd had just _admitted _to his-his- AAGH! Sheena couldn't take this any more! She was pretty sure that every shred of her innocence had just died a horrible, painful death. Grasping her tresses in an iron grip that only a citizen of Mizuho could pull off, she nearly tore the door off of its hinges as she ran outside, failing to notice the staircase as she tumbled down the stairs in a fashion so ungraceful that it could have shamed Mizuho itself, still clad in her tea-stained pajamas.

* * *

"… What the hell was that noise?" Lloyd asked his friend with an air of concern, all signs of previous anger seeming to dissipate into thin air as he turned towards the sound. 

Zelos sighed, dismissing the words with a wave of the hand. "It's just rats in the walls. This place is a freaking _cesspool_!" With another dismissing sigh, he turned to stare at his reflection in the tall mirror before him, playing with a strand of hair as he twisted to see how Lloyd's worn blue pants looked on him from all angles.

"Come on man, just let me borrow these pants for just a little bit! I'll give you mine! You'll score a lot of ladies with those sexy things!"

"They'll fall off of me!"

"And _that's _how you grab the attention of the ladies! And they'll come flocking to me because these sexy little hip huggers'll show off my features!" He turned towards Lloyd with a mischievous smile. "I'm sure _Colette _will like the way you look in those…"

A blush was a great understatement of what appeared on Lloyd's face at that moment. "Sh-sh-shut up!" Zelos grinned.

"Did I piss you off?" Still grinning, he placed a hand on Lloyd's shoulder. "Ah, you know what I say is true and it'll all happen eventually." He turned back towards the mirror, continuing to perform bizarre twists and turns. "What will be, will be my friend."

Lloyd had decided to ignore everything he had said with the cold shoulder, still appearing to possess a particularly nasty sunburn.

Zelos did one final twirl as he paused with his back to the mirror, peering over his shoulder. "Hey Lloyd, how does my butt look in these?"


End file.
